A Lost Friend

We met. We became friends. Good friends. I fell in love with you, almost! The kind of love where I was interested in every detail of your otherwise mundane day. What happened, what you are doing, what will you do next, every little thing. The kind of love where even when you thought about our argument from last night, you would smile to yourself. The kind of love where you teased me on my likes and stupidities. The kind of love when we first met and the instant comfort felt. The kind of love where the mere thought of meeting was thrilling. And I still wander and I fear, where did things go wrong…

We lived thousands of miles apart and met just once. But we spoke every day, sometimes oftener, and made memories to last a lifetime.

When I was with you, I tried not to be like other women. I stepped on the footpath also cautiously, afraid to anger you. I didn’t ask for much, afraid you would let go. I didn’t nag you like they did, afraid you would be annoyed. The kind of love where I was afraid of losing the friend in you. And I still wander and I fear, where did things go wrong…

Today, I feel like I have lost you. People comfort me. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I should have learnt from my friends, I should have kept track like others do, I should have nagged too, and I should have let my heart suspect. Yet, all I remember doing is, believing and trusting you, with the hope you’ll someday realize and come back. I was proud to have you my friend. And I still wander and I fear, where did things go wrong…

Of all that wandered in my head of losing you, this was never it. We were the best of friends once upon a time. Maybe we would disagree on something and never look at each other the same way, I thought. Today, I fear with the thought of seeing you or crossing by you someday. What will we be like, will you speak? Will you ignore? My mind swirls on any thought as such. And I still wander and I fear, where did things go wrong…

Today, you don’t answer my calls. Today, your Whatsapp message waits to be delivered. Your Facebook message shows unread. Numerous mails are there in your inbox, lying untouched. I am contented but, that it is not I who ended. Today, I never see a green dot beside your name on my chat list. Today, it is like you never existed. I wander, I fear. I don’t want to have your glimpse, now; for which I exhilarated once. Today, you have vanished. Today, you just have a piece of me and not all of it. On some days I can pretend it doesn’t even hurt anymore. And I still wander. I fear.

Today, I have lost you, giving the word “LOST” a literal meaning.